


Hold Me Back In Time

by abovethesmokestacks



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Bucky Barnes needs a hug and a Christmas from way back, Christmas Fluff, Dancing, F/M, Mistletoe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-15
Updated: 2016-12-15
Packaged: 2018-09-08 18:16:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,488
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8855884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/abovethesmokestacks/pseuds/abovethesmokestacks
Summary: Bucky had taken a step back, distancing himself from the activity. Steve was completely wrapped up in directing Wanda and Vision with bauble placement, but Bucky stood separate from his friend, looking wistfully as the tree disappeared under layers of decorations, lighting up the room with a soft glow. He was also the first to leave when everything was done.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Crossposted from my tumblr, published as a Marvel Secret Santa gift for the amazing Tesla, a.k.a bovaria.

”Come on, guys, hustle!” Tony called out, waving his arms to bring everyone closer to him. ”We haven’t got all night!”

”Dibs on riding Barton around like a pony,” Natasha muttered under her breath, causing you to snort less than discreetly.

”Glad to see someone’s in the spirit!”

Natasha and you quirked your eyebrows, but obediently joined the circle. It still felt strange being a part of this motley crew. You weren’t an Avenger, you had been brought in as an ops assistant and had kinda just integrated into the group, even moving into the tower because your working hours could have you up and working at all hours of the day. Technically, you worked under Hill and followed her every step, but because she hung out with the Avengers, by extension you did, too. If you didn’t think too much about the fact that they were superheroes, it was easy to spend time with them, even pleasant on most occasions. And, well, you’d be lying if you said the guys weren’t easy on the eyes, especially a certain brunet with the most piercing blue eyes you had ever seen.

It was hard not to like Bucky. Like Steve, he was courteous and kind, but with a slightly more acerbic wit that could sometimes be coaxed out of him. He could still be a bit closed off, still struggling with occasional nightmares and a patchy memory, but judging by how Natasha and Steve talked about him, the stay in Wakanda had done him a lot of good. Bucky had only been back for just over 6 months, but had made a genuine effort to integrate himself into the tight-knit group. You’d found yourself drifting towards him, never imposing on his privacy or comfort zone, but slowly working your way into his periphery, caring for him and eventually loving him from afar.

”Okay, so, we got a lot of real estate to get through,” Tony resumed his strange little pep talk. ”Cap, you and Frostbite got baubles. I want a nice, even spread. Widow, I want this tree to sparkle.”

”Can I take Clint with me?” she asked, barely able to hide her smile.

”What? Fine!”

Nat smirked, mouthing ”pony” at you while side eyeing Clint who seemed oblivious to her plan.

”Wanda, Vision, I don’t care how you do it, I want a star on top of that tree before the end of the night. Feel free to fight it out Hunger Games-style for the honor. Just, you know, don’t break the city.”

”And that leaves little old me with…” you inquired, letting the end of the sentence hang while Tony looked at you.

”Lights! You’re gonna light this baby up like it’s my tower. I want the people at Rockefeller to look at this and be jealous they’re not here.”

”Which would be a piece of cake, if you hadn’t insisted on a nine foot monstrosity, Tony! You better give me a hand or so help me.”

Tony looked like he’d been caught, and you had a sneaking suspicion he had planned on assuming the position of leader; supervising but not being practically involved. To his benefit, Stark rearranged his expression into an excited mask as he nodded, giving you an exaggerated thumbs up. He gave another short pep talk, making it sound like you were doing something way more exciting and daring than decorating the tree, even going so far as to doing the ”3-2-1 break!” chant. You rolled your eyes, grabbing four (four!) boxes of fairy lights from the nearby table, dumping them in Tony’s arms and demanding he figure out how the two of you, arguably among the shortest in the team, would manage to get the lights wrapped around the top of the tree. Figuring it would at least take the genius a minute or two, you turned again to look at the rest of the team, milling around the tree. Natasha, true to her word, had already mounted Barton, sitting on his shoulders and making giddyap-noises. Steve and Bucky stood huddled together, each with a large box of baubles in their hands, talking in hushed tones, ever so often glancing up at the tree.

”Okay, I have an idea,” Tony declared, pushing the lights back in your arms before bolting out.

”Tony!” you called angrily after him. ”Tony, I swear, if you’re running off and leaving me here I will put coal in everything you own!”

”Be right back!”

You weren’t sure if he’d actually heard you, or if he’d just yelled to be safe. Heaving a sigh, you set down the boxes of lights, joining the rest of the team. Wanda and Vision were, much to what you were sure would be Tony’s disappointment, calmly discussing the best way to place the star on top of the tree. You pursed your lips. Why couldn’t Tony have given them lights? Vision could fly, and Wanda could make things levitate, lights would’ve been perfect for them. Nat and Clint could probably have gotten the star up with some cool gymnastics routine. That would have left you and Tony with either baubles of tinsel, which… would have presented the same problem. The top of the tree would have been free of either. No, Wanda and Vision would have to split up and pair with someone else, but that might not guarantee you’d get to be with either and thus feel like you were actually helping. Your eyes flitted over Bucky. Tall, well-built, if you sat on his shoulders like Natasha did Clint’s, you could probably reach reasonably high. Not to mention it would be very nice to be close to him like that.

”You with us?”

Bucky’s voice pulled you out of your own decoration-planning scheme, and you tried not to look like he’d given you a bit of fright.

”Sorry, did you say something?” you apologized, cursing your body as you felt your cheeks flush.

”Nah, you were just… looking at me.”

_Well, shit._

”No, no, I was… I kinda zoned out. I wasn’t staring.”

”Didn’t say anything about staring, doll.” A small smile tugged at the corners of Bucky’s lips.

You were positive your cheeks were burning by now, and it was a blessing to hear Tony return. Your joy was shortlived however, as the man had decided his idea of solving the height problems was to use the leg thrusters to his Iron Man suit. He insisted it would be fine, and you grit your teeth, praying he’d be right.

A couple of singed branches later, Tony had finally found out how to get the lights wrapped artfully around the tree without setting anything on fire. Wanda and Vision had gotten the star up relatively quickly after Stark returned, and had assisted Steve and Bucky with the baubles. Natasha had insisted she and Clint were doing fine with tinsel, though you weren’t sure the grunt from Clint was a sign of agreement so much as a response to Nat digging her heels into his side. While you’d been feeding Tony more light cable to wrap, you couldn’t help but notice how Bucky had taken a step back, distancing himself from the activity. Steve was completely wrapped up in directing Wanda and Vision with bauble placement, but Bucky stood separate from his friend, looking wistfully as the tree disappeared under layers of decorations, lighting up the room with a soft glow. He was also the first to leave when everything was done, and you were sure Steve noticed it, try as he might to not let it show.

”Is Bucky okay?” you asked a while later when you finally managed to get Steve isolated from the rest of the group.

”You saw that, huh?” Steve sighed, instinctively looking back at the tree.

You gave a short nod, hoping the Captain would give you an answer.

”Christmas is hard for Bucky. Back in the war, when we were deployed with the Commandos, he’d go sit in his tent on Christmas Day and barely come out. It was the only time I saw him homesick, although he tried to deny it. Now it’s… He doesn’t remember much, but I think it’s this feeling of missing home, his family that still gnaws at him, even if he can’t put a finger on it. Things are so different now. We didn’t- when we were young, we didn’t have anything like that.” He motioned towards the tree, the magnificence and opulence radiating from it. ”It was okay, I mean, we had our families, we had each other. I think he misses that.”

”I’m… I’m so sorry. I didn’t- I-”

”You couldn’t know. And you’re sweet for caring.” Steve gave you a knowing look, accompanied by a warm smile. ”I’m sure Buck would appreciate it.”

”What? No- No, it’s- I’m-” you spluttered, feeling your cheeks flushed again to match the red baubles hanging in the Christmas tree.

Steve merely chuckled, placing a warm hand on your shoulder. ”He deserves happiness. That’s all I’ve ever wanted for him.”

There was a silent challenge in the Captain’s statement, one you heard loud and clear. Bucky deserved to be happy, and Steve obviously thought you were the one to bring that happiness into Buck’s life. But what was there you could do for Bucky that could possibly make him happy? Looking to Steve yielded you nothing but another smile before he walked off, waving you goodbye over his shoulder.

It took you a couple of days to come up with something, followed by another week of planning and putting it together. The small stuff was easy to sneak into the tower as it arrived for you, but the biggest part had to wait until Bucky was called out on a short mission. You didn’t like signing someone off on a mission, even if it was part of your job, but this time it would help you set up the surprise.You kept a close eye on your Stark pad for mission updates, happy to see things seemed to be going according to plan. The team was scheduled to return tomorrow afternoon, and you had everything in order. Looking around your room, you pursed your lips contentedly, letting out a breath through your nose. You hoped like hell Bucky would like this.

* * *

Bucky gave a heavy sigh, standing up before the quinjet had even touched down fully, walking to the exit so he could get out as soon as possible. The mission, although a success, had been harrowing, the days had bled into each other and in the end it was for relatively low risk intel that just happened to be guarded by a veritable sea of HYDRA guards. At least it had given him something to focus on that wasn’t the impending holiday.

After a quick trip to the armory to hand back his gear, Bucky hurried back to his own apartment. For a while after he got back, he’d roomed with Steve, appreciating the sense of another person close by, someone he felt safe with. After three months, he’d finally felt enough at ease to request his own quarters, and Stark had obliged, though not without numerous jabs about breaking up the boyband and ”please don’t get a divorce, think of the kids!”. Stark, for all his resources and ingenuity, had a questionable sense of humour.

It felt good to stand in his own, private space again, no one shooting at him, no one yelling, no one bothering him. Bucky kicked off his boots and made a beeline for the bathroom, intent on taking the longest shower in the history of showers. Turning up the heat, he stepped under the spray, hissing as the hot water pelted against his back. It was his decompression; standing under water so hot it would scald any normal human, tensing muscles and releasing until the combination of hot water, tension and slow, steady breaths brought him back to himself.

He had just exited the bathroom, a towel draped around his waist and rivulets of water still running down his chest from his hair, when F.R.I.D.A.Y addressed him.

” _Mr. Barnes, incoming call for you.”_

”Who is it?” he asked, walking over to his dressed to get a pair of boxers and his favourite pair of sweats.

” _Operations assistant-”_

The AI didn’t have time to say your name before Bucky interrupted: ”Put her through.”

He liked you, the way you’d just been assimilated into the group, no questions asked. You were a normal person, or as normal as one could get when working with a band of vigilantes, and rolled with the punches, always with a smile on your face. Being close to you, it was easy, no expectations, no prodding questions or long stares that left him feeling uncomfortable.

” _Bucky?”_ came your voice through the comm system.

”Please, don’t tell me you’re sending me out again,” Bucky replied, trying to sound teasing.

” _No! No, I can’t, that would be against regulation, you just got-”_

”Doll, I’m kidding.”

” _Oh. Right.”_

The line went silent as seconds ticked by, and even though you were in different rooms, Bucky couldn’t help quirking an eyebrow.

”How can I help you?”

” _Oh! Oh, um… Could you come by my room? I need… help.”_

Bucky gave a snort. ”At least buy me dinner first…”

” _Funny, Barnes, I’m serious! I need help!”_ you positively pleaded.

”So why not call Steve? Or Sam? I’m sure they’d  be more than happy to help.”

It wasn’t that he didn’t want to help. Bucky wouldn’t mind spending time with you at all, but why you’d call him first by the sound if it was odd. For all his progress, he could still be a bit

” _Because… because it’s embarrassing, okay? They have enough to hold over my head without adding more fuel to the fire. Can I count on you, or do I need to actually get down on my knees and beg?”_

As soon as the words were out, an image flashed through his mind, and Bucky blushed at the awkward turn his mind had taken, shaking his head to rid himself of the lecherous thought.

”Give me ten minutes, okay?”

” _You’re the best! 83_ _rd_ _floor, third door on the left!”_

The line clicked, and you were gone, leaving Bucky standing and wondering what the hell could be so embarrassing that you couldn’t ask Sam or Steve to help you out. A warm, satisfied feeling bloomed in his chest as he realized you trusted him enough to ask him for assistance. Smiling, he hurried to change into nicer clothes; a pair of jeans and a t-shirt and sweater, nothing too fancy but way better than the sweats that had a couple of holes and tears in them.

Taking the elevator down to your floor, Bucky fidgeted with the cuffs of his shirt, glancing nervously at his reflection in the glass of the doors. It was an odd feeling, one he couldn’t remember having felt in a long, long time. From what he’d been told by Steve, he’d been confident around women before the war, always a new girl on his arm, always ready with a charming smile and a teasing line.This was… not like that. Really, he had no reason to be nervous, so why was he?

Exiting, Bucky walked resolutely up to your door, his heartbeat picking up the closer he got. His closed fist hesitated for a second before he let his knuckles rap against the door, waiting for you to let him enter. The automatic lock clicked open, but Bucky waited, listening for your footsteps.

”You can come in!” came your muted voice through the closed door.

”You okay?” Bucky asked, hand coming to rest on the handle.

”Yeah, just… got my hands full!”

Furrowing his brow, Bucky pushed down the handle, letting the door swing open. Nothing seemed immediately off when he entered; a jacket was slung over a chair, the door to a cupboard slightly ajar. Around the corner, soft light shone and there was the briefest scratching sound that tugged at his memories.

” _I’m dreaming tonight of a place I love…”_

That voice. He knew that voice, had heard it so many times. The sound he’d heard… Did you own a record player? Bucky hurried inside, prepared to find you in some sort of trouble, but the sight that met him around the corner struck him completely dumb.

For a second he thought he’d travelled back in time. The small living room area had been cleared to make room for a Christmas tree, and something warm spread in Bucky’s chest as he realized he recognized the style. It wasn’t a symmetrical monstrosity like the one downstairs, but a bit uneven with popcorn garlands and beautiful baubles in a multitude of colours, angel hair tinsel hanging from the branches while strings of lights were wrapped around, the glint reflecting in the baubles.

”Do you like it?” you asked timidly, and his focus immediately shifted to find you just off to his right, dressed in a simple, but beautiful red dress, hands clasped in front of you.

”It’s…” Bucky swallowed thickly.

_It’s just like before._

He walked up to the Christmas tree, fingers trembling as he reached out to run them along one of the popcorn garlands. Inbetween every three or four popcorns was a bright red cranberry, and Bucky’s breath hitched as a memory rushed to the front of his mind.

”I used to make these. With- with my sister,” he stuttered, smiling at the decoration.

”You had a sister?” you asked softly, coming up to stand next to him.

”Becca. She was… younger than me. A couple of years. We… Our ma used to buy popcorns and cranberries for Christmas, and Becca and me would get to make garlands for the tree. And we’d… try to see who could eat more without Ma noticing.”

”How’d that work out?”

”Not so good for me.” Bucky gave a short laugh, tearing off a popcorn and popping it into his mouth. ”Wasn’t all that good at garland making. Ma would stand at the counter behind us, and she’d sing Christmas carols, and god help you if she caught you eating the popcorns. Got a fair few whacks over the head for it. Becca was better at it. She… she could pace herself.”

”She sounds like a nice girl,” you offered, smiling at Bucky, who kept tearing off more popcorns.

Bucky nodded absentmindedly, a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips. For a while the two of you just stood there, as if frozen in this little moment. Bucky looked more at ease than he had in a while, his expression softened and reminding you so much of the young sergeant in the pictures Steve had showed you from the war. You knew there was a difference, that the man before you was not the same as the man in the pictures. Steve was beginning to realize it, and it seemed Bucky was starting to come to terms with himself, too.

”Is this okay?” you asked, rephrasing your question from earlier. The vinyl you had on had come to an end, and you walked over to restart it. ”I know it’s a bit… disjointed. I looked at pictures of people celebrating Christmas in the 30’s,” you continued, talking faster as you went out of nervousness, ”but I couldn’t find any record with Christmas music from the same time, and I was kinda pressed for time-”

In a blink he was right in front of you, hands resting heavily on your shoulders. It was a nice kind of weight, one to ground and calm you. You snapped your mouth shut, cheeks flushing as you looked up at him. The smile was still there, a reassurance in his blue eyes that had you taking a deep breath to center yourself.

”It’s more than okay.” Bucky’s right hand came up to swipe gently across your cheek, causing shivers to travel down your spine. ”It’s- I feel like I’m home. I only have bits and pieces of what this used to mean, and you… made them fit together somehow.”

He was so close, the warmth of his body radiating from him, his eyes keeping yours locked in a tender gaze. You meant to say something, but the words got stuck in your throat. What was there to say, really? The fact that he felt so at ease here, felt comfortable being close to you, could reminisce and not grow frustrated at the fractured memories was reward enough, almost to the point where you felt it was unfair that you got as much, if not more, out of this little arrangement.

Your breath left you in a gasp when Bucky’s left hand came to rest at the small of your back, his right hand grabbing your left, pulling you away from the record player to start gently swaying across the floor. His eyes glittered teasingly, and you could only give him a mock-berating look in return.

”’S been so long since I’ve danced. You mind, doll?” he asked, his voice husky and warm.

”N-no,” you managed to stutter, your stomach doing a backflip at the sight of the delighted smile he gave you in response.

So maybe he had a very patchy memory, but damn, Bucky had not forgotten how to dance. Slowly, but surely he eased you out of the swaying, leading you expertly in a slow foxtrot around the room. You couldn’t help but giggle when he pulled his left arm away, gently pushing you away from him to let you do a twirl before returning to his arms. As the song came to an end and the room was briefly filled with the crackling of the record, you stayed in his embrace, feeling as much at home there as you did in the ops room. You could get used to this.

”Steve put you up to this, didn’t he?” There was no accusation in the way he asked you, just curiosity and a hint of teasing.

”He… may have suggested something,” you admitted, biting your lower lip. ”Don’t think he specifically had this in mind.”

Bucky chuckled. ”I’m sure he didn’t. But I’m glad you did this. Really, I am. Thank you.”

”It was nothing. I had a lot of fun with it. The guy who sold me the tree thought I was nuts.”

”He’s the one who’s nuts, it looks perfect,” he insisted, pushing you out for another twirl. ”I’m missing one thing, though.”

”And what would that be?” you asked as his hand once again slid to the small of your back and you fervently tried to think if there was something obvious you had forgotten.

There was a twinkle in his eyes. ”I’m surprised there’s not a mistletoe in sight.”

”Oh. Oh, I-” You cursed inwardly as you felt another flush overtake you. ”I didn’t… I didn’t want to- to assume, I mean, I-”

”Take it easy, it’s no big deal. I can fix it,” Bucky promised, running his hands soothingly over your arms.

”Don’t tell me you walk around with mistletoe in your backpocket, Buck!”

Bucky huffed. ”Please. Steve tells too many stories. Close your eyes, and I’ll fix this”

You rolled your eyes at him before sitting down in the nearby arm chair, obediently closing your eyes like he asked. Not that it kept you from trying to figure out how he’d pull a branch of mistletoe out of thin air. Sadly, it didn’t matter, Bucky worked in silence, although you thought you heard a click at one point. Apart from that, there was nothing to give away what he was doing, and you took to listening to his steady breaths, your body buzzing as if trying to sense how far away he was from you.

”Okay, stand up, don’t open your eyes just yet,” he instructed you a short while later.

His right hand took yours, carefully guiding you up from your seat and pulling you just a couple of steps ahead. You perceived a movement close to your face, causing you to flinch away from it. Bucky snickered and you glowered at him as best you could with your eyes closed.

”You can open them now.”

Eyelids fluttering, you blinked rapidly to get used to the light again. Bucky stood in front of you, a smug grin on his face. His left hand was held up, and as you followed the line of it, you spotted his phone in his hand, the display lit up with-

”Mistletoe,” you commented, crossing your arms over your chest.

”Told you I’d fix it,” Bucky said, and there was no mistaking the satisfaction in his voice, his head beginning to dip down towards you

”So you do actually walk around with mistletoe in your pocket, huh?”

”Will you let me kiss you if I say yes?”

[Originally posted by stanxstan](https://tmblr.co/ZhdPJn1N2TaIz)

Grinning, you let your arms snake around his neck, pulling him down to slant your lips against his, pressing gently while he held the digital mistletoe above you. He was a bit stunned at first, but quickly smiled into the kiss, reciprocating in kind, letting out a long breath through his nose that tickled you. You weren’t completely sure what the standard protocol for a mistletoe kiss was, but you were fairly sure it should be over in seconds, yet neither one of you wanted to pull away, letting the kiss linger. At some point, Bucky lowered his arm, stuffing the phone back in his pocket to pull you closer, and you grabbed hold of him, one hand in his hair and the other grasping the collar of his shirt.

It was more than you could have dreamed of, warmth stirring in your chest when you finally pulled apart, breaths hitching. Bucky’s lips were kiss-swollen, and you could only imagine what you looked like. It didn’t much matter. He was still holding you, tucking you against his chest so you could hear the way his heart was beating, thumping faster than usual, almost in sync with your own rapid pulse.

”Now I’ve got the perfect Christmas…” Bucky mumbled against the top of your head, pressing a kiss to it.

”What, no presents, no stockings, no family dinner?” you mock-questioned his statement, nuzzling against his pecs.

”Nope.”

Pushing back, you wriggled in his arms so you could look up at him. You loved him like this; relaxed, smiling, eyes twinkling with mirth. You could only hope you’d always be able to bring out this side of him. Forget whatever else you’d been pining for. You cocked your head.

”You’re an easy man to please, Barnes.”

He dipped down, placing a quick kiss to your lips.

”’S easy when I got the girl of my dreams in my arms.”

”Merry Christmas, Bucky.”

”Merry Christmas, doll.”


End file.
